The Importance of Being Earnest

by Oscar Wilde

Third Act

Second Part

Scene. Morning-room at the Manor House.

(Lady Bracknell interrogates Jack about Cecily, while Algernon, Cecily, and
Gwendolen look on.)
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Lady Bracknell. (Rises, looks at her watch.) Gwendolen! the time approaches
for our departure. We have not a moment to lose. As a matter of form, Mr.
Worthing, I had better ask you if Miss Cardew has any little fortune?

Jack. Oh! about a hundred and thirty thousand pounds in the Funds. That is
all. Good-bye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have seen you.

Lady Bracknell. (Sitting down again.) A moment, Mr. Worthing. A hundred and
thirty thousand pounds! And in the Funds! Miss Cardew seems to me a most
attractive young lady, now that I look at her. Few girls of the present day
have any really solid qualities, any of the qualities that last, and
improve with time. We live, I regret to say, in an age of surfaces. (To
Cecily..) Come over here, dear. (Cecily goes across.) Pretty child! your
dress is sadly simple, and your hair seems almost as nature might have left
it. But we can soon alter all that. A thoroughly experienced French maid
produces a really marvellous result in a very brief space of time. I
remember recommending one to young Lady Lancing, and after three months her
own husband did not know her.

Jack. (Aside.) And after six months nobody knew her.

Lady Bracknell. (Glares at Jack for a few moments. Then bends, with a
practised smile, to Cecily.) Kindly turn round, sweet child. (Cecily turns
completely round.) No, the side view is what I want. (Cecily presents her
profile.) Yes, quite as I expected. There are distinct social possibilities
in your profile. The two weak points in our age are its want of principle
and its want of profile. The chin a little higher, dear. Style largely
depends on the way the chin is worn. They are worn very high, just at
present. Algernon!

Algernon. Yes, Aunt Augusta!

Lady Bracknell. There are distinct social possibilities in Miss Cardew's
profile.

Algernon. Cecily is the sweetest, dearest, prettiest girl in the whole
world. And I don't care twopence about social possibilities.

Lady Bracknell. Never speak disrespectfully of Society, Algernon. Only
people who can't get into it do that. (To Cecily.) Dear child, of course
you know that Algernon has nothing but his debts to depend upon. But I do
not approve of mercenary marriages. When I married Lord Bracknell I had no
fortune of any kind. But I never dreamed for a moment of allowing that to
stand in my way. Well, I suppose I must give my consent.

Algeron. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell. Cecily, you may kiss me!

Cecily. (Kisses her.) Thank you, Lady Bracknell.

Lady Bracknell. You may also address me as Aunt Augusta for the future.

Cecily. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell. The marriage, I think, had better take place quite soon.

Algernon. Thank you, Aunt Augusta.

Cecily. thank you, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell. To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements.
They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character
before marriage, which I think is never advisable.

Jack. I beg your pardon for interrupting you, Lady Bracknell,but this
engagement is quite out of the question. I am Miss Cardew's guardian, and
she cannot marry without jmy consent until she comes of age. That consent I
absolutely decline to give.

Lady Bracknell. Upon what grounds may I ask? Algernon is an extremely, I
may almost say an ostentatiosly, eligible young man. He has nothing, but he
looks everything. What more can one desire?

Jack. It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady
Bracknell, about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve at all
of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. (Algernon and
Cecily look at him in indignant amazement.)

Lady Bracknell. Untruthful! My nephew Algernon? Impossible! He is an
Oxonian.

Jack. I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter. This
afternoon, during my temporary absence in London on an important question
of romance, he obtained admission to my house by means of the false
pretence of being my brother. Under an assumed name he drank, I've just
been informed by my butler, an entire pint bottle of my Perrier-Jouet,
Brut, '89; a wine I was specially reserving for myself. Continuing his
disgraceful deception, he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in
alienating the affections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea,
and devoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the more
heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the first that I have
no brother, that I never had a brother, and that I don't intend to have a
brother, not even of any kind. I distinctly told him so myself yesterday
afternoon.

Lady Bracknell. Ahem! Mr. Worthing, after careful consideration I have
decided entirely to overlook my nephew's conduct to you.

Jack. That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell. My own decision,
however, is unalterable. I decline to give my consent.

Lady Bracknell. (To Cecily.) Come here, sweet child. (Cecily goes over.)
How old are you, dear?

Cecily. Well, I am really only eighteen, but I always admit to twenty when
I go to evening parties.

Lady Bracknell. You are perfectly right in making some slight alteration.
Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so
calculating. ... (In a meditative manner.) Eighteen, but admitting to
twenty at evening parties. Well, it will not be very long before you are of
age and free from the restraints of tutelage. So I don't think your
guardian's consent is, after all, a matter of any importance.

Jack. Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for interrupting you again, but it is
only fair to tell you that according to the terms of her grandfather's will
Miss Cardew does not come legally of age till she is thirty-five.

Lady Bracknell. That does not seem to me to be a grave objection.
Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of
the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained
thirty-five for years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance in point. To my own
knowledge hse has been thirty-five ever since she arrived at the age of
forty, which was many years ago now. I see no reason why our dear Cecily
should not be even still more attractive at the age you mention than she is
at present. There will be a large accumulation of property.

Cecily. Algy, could you wait for me till I was thirty-five?

Algernon. Of course I could, Cecily. You know I could.

Cecily. Yes, I felt it instinctively, but I couldn't wait all that time. I
hate waiting even five minutes for anybody. It always makes me rather
cross. I am not punctual myself, I know, but I do like punctuality in
others, and waiting, even to be married, is quite out of the question.

Algernon. Then what is to be done, Cecily?

Cecily. I don't know, Mr. Moncrieff.

Lady Bracknell. My dear Mr. Worthing, as Miss Cardew states positively that
she cannot wait till she is thirty-five--a remark which I am bound to say
seems to me to show a somewhat impatient nature--I would beg of you to
reconsider your decision.

Jack. But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter is entirely in your own hands.
The moment you consent to my marriage with Gwendolen, I will most gladly
allow your nephew to form an alliance with my ward.

Lady Bracknell. (Rising and drawing herself up.) You must be quite aware
that what you propose is out of the question.

Jack. Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to.

Lady Bracknell. That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen. Algernon,
of course, can choose for himself. (Pulls out her watch.) Come, dear;
(Gwendolen rises) we have already missed five, if not six, trains. To miss
any more might expose us to comment on the platform.

(Enter Dr. Chasuble.) Chasuble. Everything is quite ready for the
christenings.

   * Next: Act III, Part III

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The Scenes of the Play

   * Act I: Algernon Moncrieff's Flat in Half-Moon Street, W.
   * Act II: The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton.
   * Act III: Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton
             + Part 1
             + Part 3

Transcription and organization by Jerry Stratton, for FireBlade
Publications. If you have any comments or questions, please let us know!
Jerry
jerry@acusd.edu
